Today, between the tears of sorrow and the tears of sweet
memories, I have been able to put together a beautify transformation of our
sweet little man. I cannot tell you the
exact moment he decided to give us his heart and to trust us, but I can tell
you it happened.
The pup that would once get up and move across the room to
get comfortable, now wanted to sit touching a part of you; his favorite thing
was to sit on Papa Andy’s feet.
The pup that was quiet and wouldn’t make a sound, turned
into a pup who demanded what he wanted when he wanted; my favorite was his sass
when he knew he was getting what he wanted. So many memories of him walking
towards the door for time outside and he would turn back at me and give a
little sass and wag his tail…..or walking into the kitchen while I made his
dinner to bark and tell me to hurry up…..or the way he would whine and talk in
the morning to let us know he was awake, only to walk to the door and bark if
we didn’t pay attention fast enough.
The pup whose tail would go between his legs when he became
afraid, would curl that tail high and wag it freely; Papa Andy’s most favorite
moment of each day was that early morning tail wag to say good morning Papa, I
love you.
This pup that was afraid of the world around him, learned to
bimble with the best of them; everyone’s favorite was watching him make his way
outside, sniff the air and see if his sweet Freckles was out and if she was, he
would swagger down the driveway to greet her and then after a minute or two
decide he was done and swagger back inside for a nap.
This little bear who came to us broken in body and shy of
his heart, turned into our little man full of love, sass and sweetness that
upon his crossing the rainbow bridge has left our hearts hurting and missing
him terribly.
In my first blog about our adventure I wrote,
“I plan on holding Linus’ paw
through this adventure that is his life from this day forward. I plan to love
him with everything in my heart. I plan
to take care of him for as long as he needs, and when he is tired and cannot go
on, I plan to hold him close so he can feel my heartbeat until he takes his
last breath. I will whisper into his deaf ears how much he was loved, what a
wonderful boy he was, and how the field across the rainbow bridge is filled
with butterflies to chase, never-ending food bowls, and a body that does not
feel pain. I will cry and then I will
find my place again, holding onto the cherished memories he provided, and I
will learn to love another animal again; because he would want it to be that
way.”
This is exactly how his life went. When he told Papa Andy and I he was tired,
that it was his time to go, we didn’t want him to leave, but we knew it was his
time; it was his choice. As I laid with
him on the floor his paw reached up onto my leg as if he was telling me he was
ready, I reached down and held that paw and he didn’t pull away, he gave me his
paw willingly and I held it to the end whispering to him that he was loved, and
he peacefully drifted off to sleep.
When I felt my heart breaking into a million pieces, I
reached for Papa Andy’s hand as we gave Linus his last pets, and that sweet
little man of ours, in true Linus fashion, let out two toots! Now many will argue that bodies do this
naturally when they pass, but as Linicious Poot will tell you, he didn’t get
his name for nothing, and that was our little man’s way of telling us that he
was ok, that he was no longer in pain and that he was free to run, play, and
eat never-ending piles of bacyum. It was
a fitting goodbye, and I couldn’t have asked for a better sign.
Upon losing my sweet little man, I am reminded of this
quote,
“It came to me that every time I
lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them, and every new dog who comes
into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough, all
the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and
loving as they are.”
Sweet Linus, my love, you have made my heart closer to being
as generous and loving as you were. I
love you little man, my little bear, my Linicious Poot.